Jim's Fashion Rules

I don't have much fashion sense nor do I care to. I find the world of fashion devoid of anything redeeming in humanity. Having said that, as a person living in the real world and having to be forced to contend with the outbreaks of various trends I see around me, I DO have a few fashion observations of my own:



If you're over the age of 12 and wear your ball cap backwards, to the side or anyway else but straight forward, you look like an imbecile. Grow up and turn that thing around.



Guys: let's all just take off the necklaces okay? The 70's was a long time ago. And let's give the diamond studs in your ears to your wives/girlfriends. I have earrings myself, nothing against guys with earrings. But guys in diamonds are pussies. Not to mention a bit creepy in that date-rapist kinda way. Sorry, no exceptions.



Shirts should never be tucked in when wearing shorts. It screams, "I'm comfortable, but still REAL uptight".



Rock T-shirts and sports jerseys are not to be tucked in...ever. EVER.



If you're a few years out of the military but are still sporting the haircut, time to try something new.



Let's stop with the God-wear please. Enjoy your faith, be proud, whatever. But stop treating your faith like a rock band and cheapening the sanctity of it by slapping it on a T-shirt. It's obnoxious and trust me, you're not "spreading the word", you're just annoying people.



All you "rebellious" folk in the combat boots, dark-rimmed glasses and wildly colored hair..you're not so rebellious. You're just conforming on the other side of the spectrum. Nice job and enjoy your uniform. And spending $100-200 on Doc Martens at Hot Topic or Journeys isn't that rebellious is it? Giving your money to a big business is what it is. How indie. Slum on down to the thrift shop or Army Surplus store like REAL punks had to do back in the day, okay rebel?

Obama shirts. To quote Bill Mahr, "Hey, I like Obama too. But let's not make a religion out of it."
I like Obama, but I hate to see anybody glorifying ANY politician. Because after all, he's still a politician. Black people, you get a year extension as far as wearing Obama images goes...the first African-American President is a big deal and a historical milestone. Celebrate and be proud. But a year will tell us if he's going to actually be any good or if it was all smoke and mirrors. You get another six months if things are going well. White people, time to dump the shirts...your shoulders must be sore from patting yourselves on the back for voting for the black guy.

Guys who are really, really skinny or really flabby, out of shape wearing a wife-beater out in public. Big, in shape guys who wear wife-beater's in public are douche-y because they're just trying to show off, impress people and are basically insecure. But at least they can fill one of those out in the correct places of the garment.

Extremely out of shape people in athletic/work-out clothing. Okay, I understand that may be the only comfortable thing you can squeeze into. But nothing calls attention to how unhealthy you are than athletic clothes hanging off a completely unathletic body. This goes for the trendy Affliction shirts as well..most people I see in these things would die of coronary failure within two minutes inside the octagon.

Those super tight and skinny emo jeans. They just look uncomfortable. But most emo guy's balls have yet to drop, so I guess there's room a-plenty.



And these are things that instantly put you in douchbag territory:

A faux hawk.

Men: flip-flops with long pants.

A polo shirt with the collar flipped up.

An eyebrow ring.

Clothes ridiculously too big for them.

Clothes ridiculously too small.

Camoflauge outside of hunting activities (WTF???)

Anybody who wears a T-shirt of a band they don't own at least one album from.

To narrow it down even more, anybody who sports Motorhead or Ramones colors and can't name at least five songs from each band, one of which ISN'T "I Wanna Be Sedated" or "Ace Of Spades". Yeah, those bands are cool. But what's even cooler is actually listening to them.

Crocs. Unless you are a nurse or are over 50.

Tye-dye. There, I said it.

Sunglasses worn indoors will get you a first-class ticket on the train to Doucheville.

Young guys in fedoras. You don't look stylish, slick or at all sophisticated. You look like you got lost in your Grandpa's closet.

Douchebag Alert: Paul Di'Anno Mouths Off About Iron Maiden

Paul Di'Anno in the Maiden years.

Paul today....bloated, bald and bitter.

For those of you who don't know, Paul Di'Anno was the original lead singer in Iron Maiden. He sang on the first two Maiden albums, Iron Maiden and Killers. He was then fired from the band for being a drunken, unreliable mess.

Since then, he has used the Maiden name to attempt to further his own career as a solo artist. In a very recent interview, http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=121158, Paul gets upset when asked a question about Maiden. Here's an excerpt:

When asked about the rumors that his drug use had something to do with his split with IRON MAIDEN, Di'Anno responded, "Where the fuck do you people get this from? I left IRON MAIDEN because they were going too heavy metal, and IRON MAIDEN is a money-making machine, and I don't give a fuck about it. It was not about drugs; it was nothing like that. Me and Steve [Harris]... I [wrote] the song 'Killers', Steve had [what he thought] were better songs. I thought his songs were shit. Nothing to do with drugs; nothing whatsoever. Check your facts or otherwise this interview is over... I hate that! I fucking hate that! Because people... You say something but you don't know. Well, I'm telling you. IRON MAIDEN is Steve Harris' band. It doesn't matter about anybody else — whether it's Dave Murray, Clive [Burr], me... it's Steve Harris' band and all it is is money, money, money, money — nobody else counts. And I wrote fuckin' 20-times better songs than his, but I only got one song on the 'Killers' album because it's Steve's — he must have this. Fuckin' Adolf Hitler. I'm not interested. So there you go. But you need to take drugs when you're with IRON MAIDEN because they're so fucking boring. And the only drugs were aspirin, because Steve [making hand gesture as if someone is speaking into his ear]... Fuckin' headache."

So...the man gets pissed when asked about Maiden? This is funny because ever since he was kicked out of Maiden, for yes, drug and alcohol abuse, he has been completely incapable of promoting himself WITHOUT mentioning Maiden in the same breath. He even goes so far as to use the Maiden font on his tour posters.

Better songwriter than Steve Harris? I've heard Paul's solo stuff. Is he keeping the good shit away from us on purpose?? Because I have yet to hear anything out of him that comes close to rivaling anything Maiden have ever put out (including those so-so Blaze albums). As for his complaint for getting only one song on Killers, well, Killers IS considered to be one the greatest and most seminal albums of the metal genre. So I'd say ol' Steve was correct in keeping Di'Anno's material off the album wasn't he? And also, Harris is such a horrible songwriter that Mr. Di'Anno continues to this day to play those songs in his live set.

And Paul, EVERYONE knows Maiden is Harris' band. We've always known that. Nobody has ever not known that. And the Adolf Hitler reference was a nice attempt at smearing Harris' name, but Steve Harris has always had one the most sterling reputations in metal for professionalism, integrity and creativity. So, he's an asshole because he told a drunk, irresponsible loser to get out of his band before he messed it up for everyone else? That's not being tyrannical, that's just good management.

Paul Di'Anno is just another guy in the long line of "I was in a famous band once that got even more famous after they kicked me out" bitterness. He can join Neil Turbin (original singer for Anthrax. Sang on the "Fistful of Metal" LP) and Al Atkins (the first Judas Priest vocalist before Rob Halford. He never even recorded with Priest, but still uses the Priest name to promote himself) in resting on his laurels of past glories.